Relationships

I think that gender scripts and gendered communication have a big impact on heterosexual romantic relationships. Gender scripts teach men and women to expect certain things from their partner of the opposite sex while dating and in relationships. This can be seen on dates like in our reading where the guy is expected to pay and pick the girl up. The gender script for cohabiting relationships (whether they be marriage or not) is for women to do the cleaning. In many cases the man might not tell the woman she has to clean, or know that he expects her to. However, traditionally men tend to care less about cleaning and when they do clean they tend to do less of a through job. Women on the other hand have traditionally raised to care about being clean and having a clean house. This often results in the man not cleaning and although he might not expect the woman to clean up after him (becasue it doesn't matter to him if it stays dirty), she will because she wants the house to be clean. Luckily there are many men who don't fallow this gender script. There are guys out there (my dad being one of them) who do participate in their equal share, if not more of the housework. The problem is that although this happens it is not considered the norm. Eventhough there are men that do housework, that isn't part of the gender script. Gender scripts can also create problems in relationships because couples of our generation are told that relationships are supposed to be egalitarian, but we still have the same norms for dating and realtionships that there have always been. This creates a conflict. If on dates the man is supposed to be the one who askes the woman out, and pays, this sets the stage for men to make the decisions and to be the economic providers. Relationships that start with dates like this may face problems later when all the sudden the woman expects to be able (as she should) to make major decisions and be an economic provider. Luckily this too is not always the case. Most couples I know mostly just "hang out" when they are getting to know eachother, there is not the official situation where the boy asks the girl to dinner and then pays for her. However, when couples do get food even just on the go at a sandwhich shop, the boy does tend to pay, so the script is still influential.

The way boys and girls are raised to communicate can also create problems for realtionships. Girls are raised to use communication to solidify relationships where are boys are raised to use communication to get attention and assert power as well as express ideas. Girls are raised to be better at intimacy and interpersonal communication and boys are raised that intimacy is "sissy." Girls also speak more politely and ask questions instead of making commands. Boys talk more assertively and tend to interupt girls more. This can cause men to assert more control and power over women when communicating with them. The fact that women value intimacy and men are taught to shy away from it can also cause problems in relationships.